Julie's Hilarious Treadmill Mishap: A Cautionary Tale

A Journey Through Historical Posts

Julie here, again!

Years ago, I wrote a series of historical posts about the makings of Shaddow Domain. I posted them weekly, or semi-weekly—I don't remember—on Facebook. Now, I'm working on dredging these educational tidbits out of the bowels of my laptop. I’d like to polish them a bit before I reintroduce them to the world.

In the meantime, I have some posts from a blog that I wrote even more years ago. I think I'll just slide one in here to take up space. I could post more product-pertinent content here, but sometimes I just feel the need to be silly. Make sure to comment and let me know if this is the kind of thing you'd like to see in this space, or definitely not. Either way, I'll get to these historical posts, I promise!

Originally posted January 7, 2013 (wow, 12 years ago!)

The Perils of Decision-Making

You’re simply incapable of making even the most rudimentary decision without causing yourself bodily harm.

Oh, wait, that was directed at me—no offense. If you feel, however, that the above statement could apply to you, feel free to absorb it, trip over it, or cut yourself with it. You’ll understand momentarily…

If you’re like me and prefer to live your life based on information gleaned from your own twisted experiences, then you’re probably no stranger to bruises, abrasions, and the occasional public embarrassment. What instructions? A flyer came with this? Who needs a GPS? I’ll just ask for directions at that creepy gas station with the crime scene tape over the door.

The Treadmill Adventure

This leads me to my most recent unnecessarily painful life lesson. Afterward, my husband looked me straight in the eye and said: “After I actually READ the warnings TO you?”

Let’s start with our newest acquisition: a treadmill. It’s quite a nice treadmill, and I've always wanted one. This one has speakers, an iPod hookup, is WiFi capable, and probably makes toast. You can also accomplish many different exercise scenarios, with some limitations. Within these limitations lies the key to my misery.

When you've watched any video footage featuring an unfortunate soul being irreparably mangled by a treadmill, you've thought, in your best internally smug voice, “Wow, I would never do anything so stupid, reckless, clumsy, or amusing.” Admit it, you know you did. That’s because you are smart, ahead of the curve, so to speak.

Because you are so much smarter than the general population, you don’t see fit to bother yourself with trivial warnings and disclaimers. Nobody has to tell me not to use the blow-dryer in the tub because I will DIE. But I've always figured the worst that could happen with the knife-in-the-toaster scenario would be that my body would be electrically hurled across the room. So, of course, I've tried it, and so far, I've survived.

The Warning Ignored

Amongst a dizzying array of dire treadmill warnings (evidently, these devices are death traps—how can they sell these things!?) is one that I simply couldn't comprehend: do not use the treadmill with bare feet. If I don’t have to wear shoes, I don’t. So, of course, this warning vexed me. I walk barefoot, and this is walking, right?

I ran through a few possible disaster scenarios. I could cut my foot on the edge of the tread, trip, and fly off into the closet (which I’m sure I’ll do at some point anyway). Well, that was the end of the list because I honestly could not come up with any other reason NOT to use this monstrosity with bare feet.

So here I was, walking along, happily watching my favorite exercise program—anything on the Food Channel. Today’s selection was a series wherein chefs vie for fame by mixing random foods into culinary masterpieces. The loser was pared from the competition due to an unacceptable issue regarding string cheese.

The Painful Realization

After approximately 40 minutes of walking, engrossed in the genius of food preparation, the reason for the treadmill warning became glaringly clear. Instantly, as if the pain fairy had pierced the bottom of each foot with her sparkly, oh-so-pointy wand, I was struck with pointy, not at all sparkly pain.

As quickly as possible, I disembarked the ride of horrors and examined the painful spots. I found twin, newly created, armadillo-sized blisters. I imagine the sensation as comparable to walking on water balloons full of puffer fish. Spiky, evil pufferfish.

You would think that my pride would be deeply wounded. But knowing me, I’ll just do something equally embarrassing within a short time, so why bother using up all of my shame at one sitting?

And yes, there will be a lot of sitting.

Conclusion: Lessons Learned

In conclusion, the treadmill experience serves as a reminder to heed warnings, no matter how trivial they may seem. Life is full of lessons, and sometimes they come with a side of pain. So, the next time you find yourself in a similar situation, remember: it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

If you have your own funny or painful stories, feel free to share them in the comments! And remember, tread carefully—literally!